As if I haven't already had to make enough agonizing decisions of late, now I can't decide what to do about the house we are considering purchasing. Once again I find myself in a quandry. I'll say this, tho, it has definitely taken my mind off my impending chemo, lol!
Here's the deal: Love, love, love the house. Did I mention that I love it? It is almost perfect. While it is at the tippy top of our price range it is quite doable. Thankfully the house doesn't need any work to move in. Even my furniture will all fit just right. All I will need to purchase is a new computer desk for me to write at, with an incredible view to gaze upon while I ponder, I might add.
So, what's the problem, you may be asking?
The house is on a VERY busy street. It's a county road, just two lanes...but the speed limit is 50mph. It's also in the middle of a straight run of secluded woods, meaning some folks tend to go faster than recommended. The house itself is only shy of 25 feet from the road's edge. That feels pretty close.
Of course first and foremost I'm worried about the kids. I also know that between the fact that we are the epitome of over protective parents and that children do grow up and learn not to run out into busy roads, Daniel & Megan would no doubt always be safe. But there is that idea of a slim chance, that awful reality that if they somehow pulled away or got careless at just the wrong moment and went a couple dozen feet away from our front door they could be....well, I don't even want to say it.
And talk about life imitating art! In my novel, for those that don't know, the family lost a son about the age of my own because he was sadly struck by a car when he managed to get out of the house unbeknownst to the parents. Now, these parents were wrapped up in their own issues and were careless...I'd like to think that would never happen to us. I'd have child safety locks on my child safety locks I'm that nuts about keeping my kids protected. But still, it gave me an uneasy feeling to think that here I am writing about a child being tragically killed by a car and I decide to put my own children more in harms way than they are now.
Now, let me say there is a sturdy little picket fence across most of the front of the property which we could continue to essentially completely block access. Also, with the addition of a simple gravel driveway the door which the family could come & go from, seen here between the well and the tree, is much further from the street than the official front door...like probably at least 50 feet...and that area of the yard is blocked by not one but two fences (thanks to it being behind the garden). And further -- most of the entire 2.5 acres of land is behind the house and fences...like practically 2 acres of it. There's plenty of room to play and explore (with supervision) far, far away from any danger. You can see the back yard is quite expansive in this picture.
I should also add that Michael is very artistic and handy...he has wonderful carpentry skills and is a folk-artist in his own right. This property being on a main drag would open up the opportunity of him selling some of his work, we could even spruce up the little old barn and open it as a sort of impromptu rustic shop/gallery now and then. In fact, we once considered buying commercial property to have a little shop so this is not a new idea. What with the garden and perrenials and herbs, we could also do up a little farm stand right there by the road side -- there's even a small parking lot already there.
In terms of noise, when things are quiet inside (rare in a house w/kids, lol) you do hear the cars go by, but not as loudly as you might think. I believe that this old house has rather thick walls because the sounds from outdoors are kind of muffled. The nice thing too is that the main living room is at the back of the house so it the most quiet. Even with a screen door open I was surprised at how buffered the noise was -- but it can always be heard, no denying it. Where I live now is pretty quiet. It's also not a busy street...because of a blind curve I don't let my kids play or walk by themselves, but hours can go by without a car. I'm a bit sensitive to noises so this is all a concern.
I am back and forth about this. We bought our small home 15 years ago and intended it to be either a starter house or something we expanded. Yet in all these years we have looked at many houses, never finding one we wanted to make an offer on, good houses here are hard to come by. The house in question is move in ready, larger than my home now. It clearly oozes charm. But my present house is kinda cute too and could be easily expanded, maybe even for less money...and while we have a smaller amount of land (1/2 acre) we also back up to protected woods, just like the other house.
What would you do? How do you feel about busy streets? Would that preclude you from buying what otherwise could be your dream home?
Should I stay or should I go?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
I'm in love
I don't know about you, but I have a mental list of homes that I have always loved. Some are no doubt out of our league financially speaking, but several could be within reach if they should ever come up for sale. I've lived here in this town for 15 years and only once has one of these dozen or so houses been on the market. Unfortunately it was a smidge over the top of our range and had a bidding war already going on. We also were surprised at just how small it was on the inside. It lacked a few necessities we have in our present home. So we let it go.
Right before I was diagnosed another of my favorite houses came up for sale. We called and it was out of our budget. It turns out that it has almost three acres of land and is larger than it looks from the road. The home is an historic 1880's colonial complete with cottage gardens and authentic well out front. I always thought it looked like the kind of house a writer would live in...romantic that I am. Not that a writer couldn't also live in an industrial loft...or a rustic cabin...or some other such place. I know a novel can be written anywhere...but ambience doesn't hurt either -- I'm easily inspired by my surroundings.
Anyway, Sunday Michael and I were out & about and drove past the place...it is surprisingly still on the market and they were having an open house. I say surprisingly because even in this economy I thought it would already have been sold. Turns out not only is it still up for sale, but they have dropped the price considerably...as in we could theoretically afford it now.
Yes, I am crazy. Yes, I know this is not the time to even think about this for soooo many reasons they are beyond counting. This is absolutely not practical on several levels. But I am still going to think about it. I may even do it!
A person with cancer wouldn't do this. And that is precisely why I want to do it. I can't explain it any better than that.
We went inside and fell in love. Wide plank oak floors, a sun room, a view of the gorgeous back yard, a small dilapidated barn...
Okay, it is on a very busy county road and the front of the house is quite close to the street...you hear the sound of cars whooshing by while you are in the kitchen. But the kitchen has the cutest window over the sink and more cabinets than I have now.
Yes, it's old and not as easy maintenance as our home now...but it has been very well cared for...there's also a rolling hill in the back yard that the kids could sled down come winter. It's surrounded by protected woods. It has a fenced in garden just screaming for herbs and vegetables. And I just know that in one of those upstairs rooms I could finish my novel.
Speaking of which -- tho I haven't posted some of the excerpts, there are several that prominently feature the homes that my characters live in. Homes are like characters in and of themselves. This house is a place I could see myself in. Don't get me wrong, I like my present house well enough, but I have never loved it. Yet I always thought I would live in a home that I was crazy about...that I truly adored.
I would totally love this house. I already do.
So, we'll see...if it doesn't happen I will chalk it up as not meant to be. But here are some pix in the meantime:
Right before I was diagnosed another of my favorite houses came up for sale. We called and it was out of our budget. It turns out that it has almost three acres of land and is larger than it looks from the road. The home is an historic 1880's colonial complete with cottage gardens and authentic well out front. I always thought it looked like the kind of house a writer would live in...romantic that I am. Not that a writer couldn't also live in an industrial loft...or a rustic cabin...or some other such place. I know a novel can be written anywhere...but ambience doesn't hurt either -- I'm easily inspired by my surroundings.
Anyway, Sunday Michael and I were out & about and drove past the place...it is surprisingly still on the market and they were having an open house. I say surprisingly because even in this economy I thought it would already have been sold. Turns out not only is it still up for sale, but they have dropped the price considerably...as in we could theoretically afford it now.
Yes, I am crazy. Yes, I know this is not the time to even think about this for soooo many reasons they are beyond counting. This is absolutely not practical on several levels. But I am still going to think about it. I may even do it!
A person with cancer wouldn't do this. And that is precisely why I want to do it. I can't explain it any better than that.
We went inside and fell in love. Wide plank oak floors, a sun room, a view of the gorgeous back yard, a small dilapidated barn...
Okay, it is on a very busy county road and the front of the house is quite close to the street...you hear the sound of cars whooshing by while you are in the kitchen. But the kitchen has the cutest window over the sink and more cabinets than I have now.
Yes, it's old and not as easy maintenance as our home now...but it has been very well cared for...there's also a rolling hill in the back yard that the kids could sled down come winter. It's surrounded by protected woods. It has a fenced in garden just screaming for herbs and vegetables. And I just know that in one of those upstairs rooms I could finish my novel.
Speaking of which -- tho I haven't posted some of the excerpts, there are several that prominently feature the homes that my characters live in. Homes are like characters in and of themselves. This house is a place I could see myself in. Don't get me wrong, I like my present house well enough, but I have never loved it. Yet I always thought I would live in a home that I was crazy about...that I truly adored.
I would totally love this house. I already do.
So, we'll see...if it doesn't happen I will chalk it up as not meant to be. But here are some pix in the meantime:
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Like mother, like daughter
My mother and I are vastly different. We often don’t see things the same way and have opposite approaches to most everything in life, from motherhood to style. Still, I will say that when it comes to fashion I do take a few cues from Mom -- in my own way. I also have been known to ask her advice on what to wear to particular occasions when I find myself in doubt. So when I was wondering recently what one typically wears to chemo infusions she was the first person I asked. I specifically wanted to know what she wore to her treatments two years ago.
Mind you, my mother was the original fashionista in her day…so I planned to take what she said with a grain of salt. Mom puts make-up on to go to the mailbox…she wouldn’t dream of ever appearing out of the house in sweats and is a woman who was once known to go months without ever wearing the same garment, let alone the same outfit. Rain or shine, sickness or health, old or young my mother has always been put together appearance-wise. During her cancer treatment I never once saw her without full make-up and styled wig -- plus dressed cute…even if it was just for a visit with her grandchildren.
But I never went to infusions with her. Back then Daniel was a baby and her chemo day was a day Michael worked. So her answer to my inquiry about chemo clothes surprised me: She wore the exact same thing for each and every single treatment. Right down to her shoes. When I asked if it was because others were uber casually dressed she surprised me again and said no. Mom noticed what everyone else wore, of course. She said sometimes women came from work and were dressed rather nicely…and yes, some women came in the equivalent of sweats & t-shirts…but still others came in some version of jeans and a blouse. She never noticed anyone wearing the same thing twice, and apparently she usually saw the same people treatment after treatment. However for some reason my mother chose to practically wear a uniform for the only time in her entire life. It hangs now in her basement. She’ll never wear any piece of it again and says she’d like to burn it…but it’s still there, collecting dust hanging from a pipe in the ceiling. It was as if she didn't want cancer to touch any of her real clothes...a way of holding the awful reality at bay, perhaps. Clothing as a defense mechanism, if you will.
As I have been getting ready for my own treatment I once again cleaned out my closet…just like I did at the beginning of summer before my impending mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. At first I figured that once again I would only need comfortable, practical clothes – lamenting the fact that many of my winter things won’t get much use this year. Since I will be avoiding crowds and other unnecessary exposure to germs at the height of cold & flu season, I won’t be venturing out to do my holiday shopping or go to large festive gatherings.
But I decided not to take my cues from my mother’s wardrobe choices this time after all. Instead I am planning chemo outfits that yes, are comfy, but are also pieces that make me feel good about the way I look. My favorite cardigan, the soft new black sweater I bought, my most sparkly pins and the best fitting jeans I own…these are the things I will try to wear to chemo. And if I am able, I will snap a picture before leaving for each treatment since it is likely to be some of the only outings I will go on.
Because even though that’s not how my mom did it, I learned the value of putting my best foot forward from her…learned that appearances matter. Of course I know they matter not so much in terms of the impression you make on others…but more importantly, because of the way it effects how you feel about yourself on the inside.
Thus, I’ll wear some cute clothes for chemo and try to look at least a little nice. Guess I am my mother’s daughter after all – but totally in my own way, of course.
Mind you, my mother was the original fashionista in her day…so I planned to take what she said with a grain of salt. Mom puts make-up on to go to the mailbox…she wouldn’t dream of ever appearing out of the house in sweats and is a woman who was once known to go months without ever wearing the same garment, let alone the same outfit. Rain or shine, sickness or health, old or young my mother has always been put together appearance-wise. During her cancer treatment I never once saw her without full make-up and styled wig -- plus dressed cute…even if it was just for a visit with her grandchildren.
But I never went to infusions with her. Back then Daniel was a baby and her chemo day was a day Michael worked. So her answer to my inquiry about chemo clothes surprised me: She wore the exact same thing for each and every single treatment. Right down to her shoes. When I asked if it was because others were uber casually dressed she surprised me again and said no. Mom noticed what everyone else wore, of course. She said sometimes women came from work and were dressed rather nicely…and yes, some women came in the equivalent of sweats & t-shirts…but still others came in some version of jeans and a blouse. She never noticed anyone wearing the same thing twice, and apparently she usually saw the same people treatment after treatment. However for some reason my mother chose to practically wear a uniform for the only time in her entire life. It hangs now in her basement. She’ll never wear any piece of it again and says she’d like to burn it…but it’s still there, collecting dust hanging from a pipe in the ceiling. It was as if she didn't want cancer to touch any of her real clothes...a way of holding the awful reality at bay, perhaps. Clothing as a defense mechanism, if you will.
As I have been getting ready for my own treatment I once again cleaned out my closet…just like I did at the beginning of summer before my impending mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. At first I figured that once again I would only need comfortable, practical clothes – lamenting the fact that many of my winter things won’t get much use this year. Since I will be avoiding crowds and other unnecessary exposure to germs at the height of cold & flu season, I won’t be venturing out to do my holiday shopping or go to large festive gatherings.
But I decided not to take my cues from my mother’s wardrobe choices this time after all. Instead I am planning chemo outfits that yes, are comfy, but are also pieces that make me feel good about the way I look. My favorite cardigan, the soft new black sweater I bought, my most sparkly pins and the best fitting jeans I own…these are the things I will try to wear to chemo. And if I am able, I will snap a picture before leaving for each treatment since it is likely to be some of the only outings I will go on.
Because even though that’s not how my mom did it, I learned the value of putting my best foot forward from her…learned that appearances matter. Of course I know they matter not so much in terms of the impression you make on others…but more importantly, because of the way it effects how you feel about yourself on the inside.
Thus, I’ll wear some cute clothes for chemo and try to look at least a little nice. Guess I am my mother’s daughter after all – but totally in my own way, of course.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hold that menopause
I mentioned in a previous post one of the oncologists I saw suggested starting ovarian ablation & estrogen blocking drugs now, rather than after chemo, since my chemotherapy has been soooooo delayed by this darn wound.
Well, scratch that.
For one thing, it would really only cease one, maybe two menstrual cycles at this point -- not really worth it. Additionally, chemo will effectively put me into rapid menopause anyway, often known as "chemopause" by those who've experienced it.
So the other oncologist (a woman) thought, why torture me more now for such a small benefit? Had anyone known the skin necrosis would delay things this long, yeah, sure, it might have been a great idea. But since no one did predict this holdup, that shipped has pretty much sailed.
So we're hitting the pause button, however briefly, on menopause.
It's kind of weird knowing that right now as I type this I am PMSing for probably the last time. The last of my eggs has been released, the last time I'll bleed is approaching. While I wouldn't say I loved getting my period I did love what it represented...the cycle of life, the particular gifts of being a woman. Even if one never conceives children it is always there, a symbol of potentiality, of promise. Menstruation is a connection to Mother Earth, to the lunar cycles, to the wild side of our own natures. Monthly bleeding connects all women...as does the natural cessation of that bleeding.
But there is nothing natural about what will happen to me now, and that makes me sad. I wasn't looking forward to menopause...admittedly, since I knew HRT was out of the question due to my blood clotting issues I was even a little fearful of "the change" -- I watched my mother pretty much go deeply insane for a while at the onset of her menopause. Still, I had hoped that maybe I would be spared that...maybe somehow with some herbal supplements and such I would manage to muddle thru it with some modicum of grace.
But that was supposed to be about 10 years from now. It was supposed to be a gradual process. I was supposed to even have the option of giving birth to another child, perhaps -- or at least the illusion of that option.
I will miss getting my period...both biologically and psychologically. I will also miss it spiritually, strange as that may sound. I will miss knowing every month that my body was making a fresh start, a cyclical reminder to me that all things are possible.
Well, scratch that.
For one thing, it would really only cease one, maybe two menstrual cycles at this point -- not really worth it. Additionally, chemo will effectively put me into rapid menopause anyway, often known as "chemopause" by those who've experienced it.
So the other oncologist (a woman) thought, why torture me more now for such a small benefit? Had anyone known the skin necrosis would delay things this long, yeah, sure, it might have been a great idea. But since no one did predict this holdup, that shipped has pretty much sailed.
So we're hitting the pause button, however briefly, on menopause.
It's kind of weird knowing that right now as I type this I am PMSing for probably the last time. The last of my eggs has been released, the last time I'll bleed is approaching. While I wouldn't say I loved getting my period I did love what it represented...the cycle of life, the particular gifts of being a woman. Even if one never conceives children it is always there, a symbol of potentiality, of promise. Menstruation is a connection to Mother Earth, to the lunar cycles, to the wild side of our own natures. Monthly bleeding connects all women...as does the natural cessation of that bleeding.
But there is nothing natural about what will happen to me now, and that makes me sad. I wasn't looking forward to menopause...admittedly, since I knew HRT was out of the question due to my blood clotting issues I was even a little fearful of "the change" -- I watched my mother pretty much go deeply insane for a while at the onset of her menopause. Still, I had hoped that maybe I would be spared that...maybe somehow with some herbal supplements and such I would manage to muddle thru it with some modicum of grace.
But that was supposed to be about 10 years from now. It was supposed to be a gradual process. I was supposed to even have the option of giving birth to another child, perhaps -- or at least the illusion of that option.
I will miss getting my period...both biologically and psychologically. I will also miss it spiritually, strange as that may sound. I will miss knowing every month that my body was making a fresh start, a cyclical reminder to me that all things are possible.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
101 Dalmatians or I'm seeing spots before my eyes!
How about a post that doesn’t mention the “C” word, not even once?
And further still…how about a blog entry that just talks about simple mom stuff for a change…you know, the ordinary happenings of domestic bliss? These little seemingly mundane moments actually always end up being amongst the most delightful memories I have, so I thought I’d share this little slice of life.
Halloween happenings…
Megan will be a Dalmatian for Halloween (thus the post title). Megan is utterly crazy for Dalmatians…yet she really doesn’t care for the Disney movie. I think perhaps the villainous Cruella de Vil is a bit too much for her.
Daniel wanted to be a firefighter so this worked out kinda cute…but as any good mom knows there’s every possibility that Danny will want to be a Dalmatian too, and at the last minute of course. So Mama is making two doggie costumes just in case :) This involves white sweatpants and hooded sweatshirts and painting lots & lots of little black spots and dots all over them. I bought some cat ears & tails and will adapt them so as to look less feline. Voila – Dalmatians!
Michael and I usually dress up a bit to go with the kids trick or treating…much to Mike’s chagrin for he’s not a center-of-attention-kinda-guy ;) This year we are going as firefighters ourselves…we bought plastic fire hats and are putting yellow masking tape stripes on jackets we already had. That and some boots and well, there ya go – instant fire fighters.
Food fight…NOT
Some may wonder what vegans like us do about Halloween. It’s really not that difficult. Lots of candy is surprisingly vegan…stuff like most lollypops, Twizzlers, Good ‘n’ Plenty, some dark chocolate, taffy, pretzels, Oreo cookies, etc. That stuff Meggie keeps. The other stuff we trade her for treats we’ve already bought. She’s quite happy to do it – we’ve told her she is old enough at 8yo to make her own decisions about occasions like this and she still wants the vegan option. If she ever changes her mind, that’s okay too.
Daniel won’t be eating candy. Daniel doesn’t eat hardly anything. He will eat yogurt (soy) oatmeal, carrots, applesauce and prunes – all of it still the babyfood version. He won’t chew anything. Really, give the kid a cookie even and he’ll lick it or sniff it but he won’t bite it, lol. As strange (and frustrating) as that sounds I’m not really too worried. Perhaps not ironically Megan was the EXACT same way. But by the time she hit 3 ½ or 4 she began expanding her repertoire in leaps and bounds. This too shall pass for our Daniel. Patience...I’ve never heard of a kid going off to college who still eats babyfood prunes, lol.
Okay, that’s enough of a painting break for Mama – I’ve got lots & lots more spots & dots to address. Hope this little slice of life was at least somewhat entertaining. It sure was a nice break from “you know what” for me too ;)
To all those that celebrate I hope you have a howling good Halloween!!!!
And further still…how about a blog entry that just talks about simple mom stuff for a change…you know, the ordinary happenings of domestic bliss? These little seemingly mundane moments actually always end up being amongst the most delightful memories I have, so I thought I’d share this little slice of life.
Halloween happenings…
Megan will be a Dalmatian for Halloween (thus the post title). Megan is utterly crazy for Dalmatians…yet she really doesn’t care for the Disney movie. I think perhaps the villainous Cruella de Vil is a bit too much for her.
Daniel wanted to be a firefighter so this worked out kinda cute…but as any good mom knows there’s every possibility that Danny will want to be a Dalmatian too, and at the last minute of course. So Mama is making two doggie costumes just in case :) This involves white sweatpants and hooded sweatshirts and painting lots & lots of little black spots and dots all over them. I bought some cat ears & tails and will adapt them so as to look less feline. Voila – Dalmatians!
Michael and I usually dress up a bit to go with the kids trick or treating…much to Mike’s chagrin for he’s not a center-of-attention-kinda-guy ;) This year we are going as firefighters ourselves…we bought plastic fire hats and are putting yellow masking tape stripes on jackets we already had. That and some boots and well, there ya go – instant fire fighters.
Food fight…NOT
Some may wonder what vegans like us do about Halloween. It’s really not that difficult. Lots of candy is surprisingly vegan…stuff like most lollypops, Twizzlers, Good ‘n’ Plenty, some dark chocolate, taffy, pretzels, Oreo cookies, etc. That stuff Meggie keeps. The other stuff we trade her for treats we’ve already bought. She’s quite happy to do it – we’ve told her she is old enough at 8yo to make her own decisions about occasions like this and she still wants the vegan option. If she ever changes her mind, that’s okay too.
Daniel won’t be eating candy. Daniel doesn’t eat hardly anything. He will eat yogurt (soy) oatmeal, carrots, applesauce and prunes – all of it still the babyfood version. He won’t chew anything. Really, give the kid a cookie even and he’ll lick it or sniff it but he won’t bite it, lol. As strange (and frustrating) as that sounds I’m not really too worried. Perhaps not ironically Megan was the EXACT same way. But by the time she hit 3 ½ or 4 she began expanding her repertoire in leaps and bounds. This too shall pass for our Daniel. Patience...I’ve never heard of a kid going off to college who still eats babyfood prunes, lol.
Okay, that’s enough of a painting break for Mama – I’ve got lots & lots more spots & dots to address. Hope this little slice of life was at least somewhat entertaining. It sure was a nice break from “you know what” for me too ;)
To all those that celebrate I hope you have a howling good Halloween!!!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A worthless cure
Before my breast cancer diagnosis, if I were reading this blog…a simple little style blog by some SAHM… and I saw this saga begin to unfold I’d be thinking, “Holy shit, that poor woman!” and I might also be quietly wondering if something like this could happen to me...subconsciously hoping to find some difference, something unique about this unfortunate woman with breast cancer that separated us and meant I was not in danger.
But there is nothing particularly different about me.
And if you are a woman reading this you are in danger.
One in eight women will get breast cancer sometime in their lives. That’s the worst math ever, if you ask me. It shouldn’t be ignored. It should make each and every one of us incredulous, angry and proactive. But it usually doesn’t. I totally understand that. I wasn’t proactive or incredulous or angry either.
But I am now. And I don’t want to be alone.
Yes there is better awareness today, earlier detection methods… new drugs, new tests, new treatments. Breast cancer is fast becoming considered almost a manageable disease by some standards, tho not by mine, not by a long shot. Instead I find myself wondering more and more…what about prevention? I mean, if I were you reading this blog that is what I would want to know more about. Is there anything I can do to try and prevent getting this awful disease in the first place?
Turns out there are things you can do. Granted, they are not a guarantee, but doing nothing clearly shouldn’t be an option either. I’m learning as much as I can about prevention because the same things that prevent breast cancer from occurring in the first place will also help keep it at bay once you’ve had it…because I want to prevent my children from ever having to face what I am facing now.
So, to do my little tiny part during "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" I’ll be blogging about what I feel are preventative measures we all MUST be aware of to protect ourselves, our friends, our mothers, our sisters and most importantly – our collective daughters, from this hideous disease. Whatever you think your personal risk level is…remember, over all it is 1 out of every 8 -- a pretty crappy statistic.
Let’s start with this: Know your family history.
Now, let me emphasize that more cases of breast cancer occur in women with ABSOLUTELY NO FAMILY HISTORY. That being said, having a familial pattern does greatly increase your risks. Oh, and don’t think if your mother and her family line are cancer free you are off the hook. Men also carry the presently known inherited genetic mutations that greatly increase the risk of breast cancer. These mutations occur in tumor suppressor genes that we all have and are commonly referred to as the BRCA 1&2 genes. The fact that mutations in these genes can be passed down from our fathers is something I didn’t know before I got cancer. Moreover, it’s not just breast cancer in your family tree that raises your risk…if there is colon, ovarian or prostate cancers amongst your relatives all can indicate the genetic link for an elevated risk of breast cancer occurrence too.
(CLICK HERE for more info if you think you may be a carrier of the BRCA genetic mutations...and for a GREAT blog read from a brave woman who does carry the mutated gene, check out Goodbye to Boobs --brilliant, witty and informative)
However, you should understand -- it’s not just about your family tree when we talk about genes.
Not to get too sciencey here (is that a word?) but ALL BREAST CANCERS ARE GENETIC– they are just not all hereditary. What’s the difference? Genetic diseases and disorders involve mutations of the DNA in cells, you know, the stuff that is sort of a blueprint for how to build more cells…something we do constantly. There are basically two kinds of cells, ones involved in reproduction…call them sex cells, and ones that aren’t, called somatic cells. The DNA in sex cells determine how you get hereditary factors, like everything from your eye color to a BRCA gene mutation for breast cancer as I mentioned before. But the other kind of cells, the somatic cells, carry DNA mutations as well…copying errors during normal cell division that cause tumor growth.
But why does that happen, what causes these cells to go astray, as it were? If we knew that definitively we’d probably actually be close to a cure. There’s likely not one single answer here…but essentially the DNA is damaged in some way not related to hereditary factors...in other words the faulty DNA is not something one is born with. It is damaged by other influences that occur throughout our lives – and there’ll be more on how that might happen in a future post.
Without a doubt there are many other genetic links to breast cancer as yet undiscovered (or under reported) -- inherited or otherwise. If you’ve read any of this blog you’ll remember that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just two years ago. I had the genetic testing for BRCA 1&2 gene mutations and was found to be negative, as was my mom. Do we share an undiscovered hereditary genetic link or was it communal environmental exposures…or both? So far there isn’t a clear answer…for my mother, for me -- and a lot of other women, too.
And that's where the problem lies, IMO.
Nearly all the focus seems to be on new drug treatments for women who already have breast cancer. As much as that is important to me in particular, it isn’t at the top of my priority list. I want to know how to keep my daughter…and my son for that matter, from getting this. With what I’ve learned so far I’m making a decent start…nutritionally, environmentally, etc. I intend to share that info here in other installments. But in the meantime I hope I’ve got some of you started on thinking outside the box during this month of pink ads for breast cancer awareness…hope I’ve got you thinking about awareness from another perspective. I really hope that maybe if a few more people shift focus to prevention we can stop this disease in its tracks and diminish the need for medical technology after the fact.
An ounce of prevention really is worth a whole lot more than a pound of cure. It makes the cure worthless. That’s what I want. I want the cure for breast cancer to be worthless because it’s no longer necessary.
(stay tuned as next time I’ll talk about knowing your body and understanding how fat effects your risk)
But there is nothing particularly different about me.
And if you are a woman reading this you are in danger.
One in eight women will get breast cancer sometime in their lives. That’s the worst math ever, if you ask me. It shouldn’t be ignored. It should make each and every one of us incredulous, angry and proactive. But it usually doesn’t. I totally understand that. I wasn’t proactive or incredulous or angry either.
But I am now. And I don’t want to be alone.
Yes there is better awareness today, earlier detection methods… new drugs, new tests, new treatments. Breast cancer is fast becoming considered almost a manageable disease by some standards, tho not by mine, not by a long shot. Instead I find myself wondering more and more…what about prevention? I mean, if I were you reading this blog that is what I would want to know more about. Is there anything I can do to try and prevent getting this awful disease in the first place?
Turns out there are things you can do. Granted, they are not a guarantee, but doing nothing clearly shouldn’t be an option either. I’m learning as much as I can about prevention because the same things that prevent breast cancer from occurring in the first place will also help keep it at bay once you’ve had it…because I want to prevent my children from ever having to face what I am facing now.
So, to do my little tiny part during "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" I’ll be blogging about what I feel are preventative measures we all MUST be aware of to protect ourselves, our friends, our mothers, our sisters and most importantly – our collective daughters, from this hideous disease. Whatever you think your personal risk level is…remember, over all it is 1 out of every 8 -- a pretty crappy statistic.
Let’s start with this: Know your family history.
Now, let me emphasize that more cases of breast cancer occur in women with ABSOLUTELY NO FAMILY HISTORY. That being said, having a familial pattern does greatly increase your risks. Oh, and don’t think if your mother and her family line are cancer free you are off the hook. Men also carry the presently known inherited genetic mutations that greatly increase the risk of breast cancer. These mutations occur in tumor suppressor genes that we all have and are commonly referred to as the BRCA 1&2 genes. The fact that mutations in these genes can be passed down from our fathers is something I didn’t know before I got cancer. Moreover, it’s not just breast cancer in your family tree that raises your risk…if there is colon, ovarian or prostate cancers amongst your relatives all can indicate the genetic link for an elevated risk of breast cancer occurrence too.
(CLICK HERE for more info if you think you may be a carrier of the BRCA genetic mutations...and for a GREAT blog read from a brave woman who does carry the mutated gene, check out Goodbye to Boobs --brilliant, witty and informative)
However, you should understand -- it’s not just about your family tree when we talk about genes.
Not to get too sciencey here (is that a word?) but ALL BREAST CANCERS ARE GENETIC– they are just not all hereditary. What’s the difference? Genetic diseases and disorders involve mutations of the DNA in cells, you know, the stuff that is sort of a blueprint for how to build more cells…something we do constantly. There are basically two kinds of cells, ones involved in reproduction…call them sex cells, and ones that aren’t, called somatic cells. The DNA in sex cells determine how you get hereditary factors, like everything from your eye color to a BRCA gene mutation for breast cancer as I mentioned before. But the other kind of cells, the somatic cells, carry DNA mutations as well…copying errors during normal cell division that cause tumor growth.
But why does that happen, what causes these cells to go astray, as it were? If we knew that definitively we’d probably actually be close to a cure. There’s likely not one single answer here…but essentially the DNA is damaged in some way not related to hereditary factors...in other words the faulty DNA is not something one is born with. It is damaged by other influences that occur throughout our lives – and there’ll be more on how that might happen in a future post.
Without a doubt there are many other genetic links to breast cancer as yet undiscovered (or under reported) -- inherited or otherwise. If you’ve read any of this blog you’ll remember that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just two years ago. I had the genetic testing for BRCA 1&2 gene mutations and was found to be negative, as was my mom. Do we share an undiscovered hereditary genetic link or was it communal environmental exposures…or both? So far there isn’t a clear answer…for my mother, for me -- and a lot of other women, too.
And that's where the problem lies, IMO.
Nearly all the focus seems to be on new drug treatments for women who already have breast cancer. As much as that is important to me in particular, it isn’t at the top of my priority list. I want to know how to keep my daughter…and my son for that matter, from getting this. With what I’ve learned so far I’m making a decent start…nutritionally, environmentally, etc. I intend to share that info here in other installments. But in the meantime I hope I’ve got some of you started on thinking outside the box during this month of pink ads for breast cancer awareness…hope I’ve got you thinking about awareness from another perspective. I really hope that maybe if a few more people shift focus to prevention we can stop this disease in its tracks and diminish the need for medical technology after the fact.
An ounce of prevention really is worth a whole lot more than a pound of cure. It makes the cure worthless. That’s what I want. I want the cure for breast cancer to be worthless because it’s no longer necessary.
(stay tuned as next time I’ll talk about knowing your body and understanding how fat effects your risk)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
10 things I will do after cancer treatment
1. Go with my family to Cape Cod to show Daniel the ocean. We were supposed to go this summer, but that got waylaid. I've been going to the Cape since I was 4 years old and it is my most favorite place on earth...the energy there is unique and I feel more myself on those windswept shores than anywhere else. We were blessed to share that magical place with Meggie and have precious memories...now I can't wait to share it with both my babies.
2. Take up belly dancing. Hey, I've got a flatter tummy now, might as well flaunt it, lol! It's something I always wanted to do but was too self conscious before. I think it's damn sexy and no doubt I'll need a little boost in that area after this is all over with (be forewarned Michael!)
3. Go back to my 1000 words each day. I miss the ritual of sitting down at the keyboard every night at the end of the day and working on my novel. That wonderful flow, the dance of rearranging words, that connection to my characters...I need to know what happens next (and I think notSupermum will positively explode if she doesn't find out what happens to Nola!)
4. Get in touch with old friends that I've been thinking about...my teenage best friend, the beloved headmaster from highschool, the woman Mike and I worked for when we first met, maybe my old band-mates...and several others who have crossed my mind since I was diagnosed. It's really the people in our lives that matter, not what we did or didn't do.
5. Catch up on correspondence, most especially thank-you notes/emails -- there have been so many acts of kindness that have touched me, both in the blogosphere and "real" life, that I feel the need to recognize the generosity of spirit from each individual that has shared with me and my family. Every kind word and deed has meant so much that it's impossible to convey my gratitude, but I'd like each person to know how they have impacted my life during one of the most challenging times I've ever experienced. It truly amazes me how important these connections have become...how much it can really contribute to my sense of well being. I have been blessed indeed.
6. Get organized once and for all...I want to let go of things, of the material objects that weigh us down. As reformed pack rats we made great strides since Meggie was born, truly it has changed our lives so much for the better to weed out and discard the possessions that we don't need. But there's lots more to be done and I feel compelled now to be even lighter in our footprint upon the earth.
7. Somehow share my experience with breast cancer in a way that helps other women. I don't know if it's volunteering, activism, writing or what, but if I can use my experience in any way to help other women...and especially to help them avoid this disease, then I will feel like some good could come out of this mess.
8. I look forward to once again waking up in the morning and sitting at the dining room table, sipping tea, gazing out at my little corner of the world thru the lace curtains while jotting down simple musings or snippets of poetry in my trusty composition notebook. I miss that gentle morning routine...a few stolen moments before the children get up and the day belongs once again to mothering and chores. Instead, for that brief bit of time, the day is mine and mine alone and it nourishes something in me that is starved of late.
9. I want to make more memorable moments for my children...they can be small things, simply being together, engaged in the present...but I want there to be more opportunities for making memories. I am under no illusions, my life could be considerably shorter than I'd planned -- but then again, that could be true for every single person reading this. I just happen to know the odds are not as favorable for me as they once were. Be that as it may, I am here now and my kids have me today, tomorrow and the next. One of the things I want to keep from this experience is the realization that life is fragile and memories are eternal...it's what we really give our children, what they carry forward with them. Our words, our actions, create permanent grooves in the life they carve for themselves.
10. Most of all I want to laugh, to have fun, to be silly with utter abandon...to be unleashed, free. I wish I spent more of my energy enjoying life like that before. I can still imagine a happy future sometimes...catch a glimpse of what that might look like. Other times, too many times lately, that vision is illusive, blurry...barely discernible in the haze of my present situation. Cancer is such an immediate and demanding focal point, so all consuming and encompassing by necessity that I can lose sight of anything remotely resembling unfettered happiness. But I want to let go of cancer as much as I can and move on. It might take work, it will no doubt take patience. I have no idea what irrevocable changes I may be left with in the wake of treatment. I have no idea how successful treatment will or won't be. But somehow I have to tap a source of joy for myself again. The nine other things on this list are my path back to that. I just have to forge ahead, step by step, day by day, little by little as best I can.
2. Take up belly dancing. Hey, I've got a flatter tummy now, might as well flaunt it, lol! It's something I always wanted to do but was too self conscious before. I think it's damn sexy and no doubt I'll need a little boost in that area after this is all over with (be forewarned Michael!)
3. Go back to my 1000 words each day. I miss the ritual of sitting down at the keyboard every night at the end of the day and working on my novel. That wonderful flow, the dance of rearranging words, that connection to my characters...I need to know what happens next (and I think notSupermum will positively explode if she doesn't find out what happens to Nola!)
4. Get in touch with old friends that I've been thinking about...my teenage best friend, the beloved headmaster from highschool, the woman Mike and I worked for when we first met, maybe my old band-mates...and several others who have crossed my mind since I was diagnosed. It's really the people in our lives that matter, not what we did or didn't do.
5. Catch up on correspondence, most especially thank-you notes/emails -- there have been so many acts of kindness that have touched me, both in the blogosphere and "real" life, that I feel the need to recognize the generosity of spirit from each individual that has shared with me and my family. Every kind word and deed has meant so much that it's impossible to convey my gratitude, but I'd like each person to know how they have impacted my life during one of the most challenging times I've ever experienced. It truly amazes me how important these connections have become...how much it can really contribute to my sense of well being. I have been blessed indeed.
6. Get organized once and for all...I want to let go of things, of the material objects that weigh us down. As reformed pack rats we made great strides since Meggie was born, truly it has changed our lives so much for the better to weed out and discard the possessions that we don't need. But there's lots more to be done and I feel compelled now to be even lighter in our footprint upon the earth.
7. Somehow share my experience with breast cancer in a way that helps other women. I don't know if it's volunteering, activism, writing or what, but if I can use my experience in any way to help other women...and especially to help them avoid this disease, then I will feel like some good could come out of this mess.
8. I look forward to once again waking up in the morning and sitting at the dining room table, sipping tea, gazing out at my little corner of the world thru the lace curtains while jotting down simple musings or snippets of poetry in my trusty composition notebook. I miss that gentle morning routine...a few stolen moments before the children get up and the day belongs once again to mothering and chores. Instead, for that brief bit of time, the day is mine and mine alone and it nourishes something in me that is starved of late.
9. I want to make more memorable moments for my children...they can be small things, simply being together, engaged in the present...but I want there to be more opportunities for making memories. I am under no illusions, my life could be considerably shorter than I'd planned -- but then again, that could be true for every single person reading this. I just happen to know the odds are not as favorable for me as they once were. Be that as it may, I am here now and my kids have me today, tomorrow and the next. One of the things I want to keep from this experience is the realization that life is fragile and memories are eternal...it's what we really give our children, what they carry forward with them. Our words, our actions, create permanent grooves in the life they carve for themselves.
10. Most of all I want to laugh, to have fun, to be silly with utter abandon...to be unleashed, free. I wish I spent more of my energy enjoying life like that before. I can still imagine a happy future sometimes...catch a glimpse of what that might look like. Other times, too many times lately, that vision is illusive, blurry...barely discernible in the haze of my present situation. Cancer is such an immediate and demanding focal point, so all consuming and encompassing by necessity that I can lose sight of anything remotely resembling unfettered happiness. But I want to let go of cancer as much as I can and move on. It might take work, it will no doubt take patience. I have no idea what irrevocable changes I may be left with in the wake of treatment. I have no idea how successful treatment will or won't be. But somehow I have to tap a source of joy for myself again. The nine other things on this list are my path back to that. I just have to forge ahead, step by step, day by day, little by little as best I can.
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