six words: more beautiful

 

6 simple ways to look great :

 

1.      Cut your hair.  Seriously – do it.  The best way to look infinitely better overnight is to have a great hairstyle.  No matter how chic the outfit...no matter how much you are rocking the body you are in (and every body can be totally rocked)... if your crowning glory is just hanging there like a blanket around your face, well, it’s NOT so glorious.  And you deserve to be glorious.  Instead of assessing your hairstyle close-up in the mirror, take a few steps back...check out your complete silhouette to see if your hair is accentuating your entire image or just sort of dragging you down.  Find yourself a good stylist and go for it! 

 

2.      Stand up straight.  For real, this will make your body look waaaay better; your clothes will fit nicer and it will even take years off you -- both visually and physically.  Good posture uses your muscles properly, keeps your bones and organs optimally aligned, and helps keep aches and pains at bay.  Practice mindfulness to conquer this issue.  Whenever possible imagine a string coming from the top of your head and pulling you upright.  Let everything else fall into its natural place from there...we want you standing tall, not rigid.

 

3.      Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize.  I can’t say this enough...put on any combination of clothes sans jewelry and with few exceptions it just isn’t going to be as interesting.  And adding interest is what creates style...it’s what makes even a plain tee and jeans look polished and put together.  Don’t be afraid of significant pieces, either – and remember that usually it is most flattering if your accessories match your stature.  It’s also a good idea to keep the focus on one area so as not to overwhelm...and since your best bet is to bring attention to your face, you rarely can go wrong with a necklace (or layer 2 or 3)...tho earrings can work too.

 

4.      Change your make-up.  Do you wear a lot?  Try wearing less.  Do you wear hardly any?  Try wearing a little more.  Try a new color, a new application method, a new focal point.  Do you play up your eyes?  Try a more subtle approach on your peepers and play up your lips instead...or visa versa.  Find some new way of using cosmetics to shake things up, even if it’s just a small change.  Tried and true is good...but don’t fall into a rut....experiment once in a while.  Play!  It’s only make-up. 

 

5.      Wear comfortable shoes.  Yeah, I know, those heels make you look sooooo tall, they make you look leaner (unnecessary) and your butt looks good because of how they make you stand.  Or so you think...but do they?  Sure, when you pose in the mirror they might look awesome, but what about when you are walking around in the real world???  Do you have to take silly looking baby steps...are you trying not to grimace in pain...are you oddly tilted, slanting or hunched over trying to balance yourself?  Do you think no one notices this?  Trust me, it’s obvious.  Of course you can wear heels...just be sensible about it, please.  Nothing looks less attractive than a woman wearing unnaturally high shoes and hobbling around.  If you can’t walk a block or even take a natural stride for crying out loud -- ditch the stilettoes and platform pumps.  Get real and get comfy.    

 

6.      Smile...(or at least relax your face).  Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and wondered why you looked like such a sour puss?  If people are often asking you what’s wrong, it might be that you are looking dour without realizing it.  Go to the mall and people-watch...do you see how many folks look downright unhappy?  (are they?  that's a different post)  Looking more amiable makes you automatically look more attractive.  Mindfulness comes into play here, just like with posture.  Whenever you think of it, try to relax your facial muscles, unpurse your lips, unclench your teeth, and think of something pleasant.  Not only will you look better, but you’ll probably feel better too.  Win/win!  Plus, people might respond to you in a more positive way – yet another bonus. 

 

And speaking of a bonus...here's another six words on the subject: 

 

Remember, beauty is as beauty does.

 

 

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six words: small house

small house + no quiet = writer's block

 

mama needs quiet space to write

 

 

 

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six words: lazy days

dedicating myself to a relaxing summer

 

doesn't that look cool and inviting?
 

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six words: slowly sorting...

 

I only wish my attic was this neat...
and full of antiques!

 

 

...because boxes lead down memory lane

 

 




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confessions of a slow-baked couch potato

I am so busy doing nothing, that the idea of doing anything — which as you know, always leads to something — cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

~ Jerry Seinfeld

 

I just might be a hardcore couch potato.  There, I said it.  The truth is, I love to sit around.  Of course, I’m not exactly doing nothing.  I do a lot while I lounge about.  Talking, reading, writing, thinking – these are my favorite pastimes and conveniently all can take place from my living room sofa.

(Does anyone remember that children’s show The Big Comfy Couch?  Well, my dust bunnies might be bigger.  Seriously.  Oh, and I wish I had as much cool stuff tucked under my cushions as Loonette the clown does, but there’s just lint...and aforementioned dust bunnies.) 

Don’t get me wrong, I have to get up off the couch plenty.  I exercise, run errands, do laundry (now and then), cook for and feed various people, even clean once in a while.  Okay, all kidding aside -- I don't channel surf, nor do I gorge on junk food and I’m also an animated person in my demeanor.  People even describe me as energetic and enthusiastic...and I am, just not by inclination. Yes, if only they knew the truth, that by nature I’m more of a sloth.  Now, sloth is considered a sin by some and a trait to be ashamed of.  I guess I have been embarrassed by my slothiness at times.  Everyone else seems to be so busy that I tend to feel a little guilty.  Or at least, I used to. 

We live today in a culture of busy is better.  Ask someone how they are, and more than likely the answer will be “busy” – complete with the litany from an exceedingly long to-do list.  This is not necessarily a good thing.  An article in the NY Times last summer refers to busyness as trap, even further, as a means of hedging nothing short of existential angst.  I’ve noticed that the complaint of being over extended is almost treated as a badge of honor.  Everyone is trying to cram so much living into their lives that they aren’t actually living IN their life – instead they are continuously burying every present moment with frenetic activity, and often as a means for distraction.  

(There are people in this world for whom free time truly is a luxury.  They work harder in order to survive than most of us can possibly imagine.  People in those circumstances are obviously not busy for the sake of being busy.  To them, no doubt, this could all sound churlish or elite;  they should have such problems.  Mindful of that let me just say – busy is clearly relative.) 

As I blogged about recently, during breast cancer treatment I did a lot of reflecting on what mattered most to me.  When my mortality seemed immanent I didn’t care about projects I’d never complete, activities my kids didn’t participate in or how messy my house got (as if).  Every single ounce of guilt or expectation went right out the window.  Think about that -- no expectation, no guilt.  It was a rare opportunity, a moment of unprecedented clarity for me.  And as I went thru the mental files of my life I realized some of the best memories were the times I just sat still and talked with my children...listening to all their thoughts, great & small.  It was those precious moments with no agenda, no pressure to accomplish anything, that gave me great joy.   

I’m not suggesting everyone sit on their couch and vegetate for the sake of happiness.  Things need to get done, sometimes a lot of things...and sometimes we want to engage physically.  Being active is healthy; in fact, it’s one of my personal goals, to be more active.  But it’s another goal of mine to let go of as many inessential activities as possible...to gently cull from my life what is unnecessary, because being busy is, in my opinion, decidedly not better. 

Kids need ample unstructured time to let their imaginations grow...and so do us grown-ups.  We need time to slow down, to stare out the window and day dream, to be creative not as a means to an end but for the sake of creativity itself...we need time just to let our minds wander...we need time to be.  Socrates said an unexamined life isn’t worth living.  If you are too busy filling every moment with a flurry of activity then there’s no time to examine anything to begin with, let alone much of any substance worth examining when all is said and done.  Busy is not only not better; it can be the very thing that, instead of filling your life, leaves you completely empty.

I found out there are others interested in letting go of busy, such as those in various slow movements --slow food, slow home, heck, there’s even slow fashion!  But truthfully I feel like some of these slow advocates are still too ambitious for a slacker like me.  Perhaps my speed isn’t slow, it’s off -- as in turn off everything, sit down and settle back for a bit, get reacquainted with your family, your friends...and your own self, too.    

Like at this very moment...I am sitting (where else) on my couch typing these words.  My kids will be up soon, and the first thing they will do is come sit next to me, curling into my waiting arms all groggy and still warm from sleep.  I’ll put this laptop aside and breathe them in, take a moment to absorb the sweet scent of childhood in its precious brevity.  We’ll talk about what they dreamed last night and what they want to do today.  I’ll remind them we have chores and schoolwork, but after that the day, this day, is ours.  We’ll begin it from this place of centering, the middle of our lives and our home, this humble, slightly sagging, well-worn sofa.  The dust bunnies will be there, too, lurking...and that’s okay.  They can hang around for a little while longer...I don’t mind.  I have more important things not to do.

 

 

six words: staycation summary

 

 

 

Got sTuff doNe, had sOme fuN!

 

 

 



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six words: staycation



taking this week

 

off from blogging!

 

 

 

 

Hope everyone has a lovely week -- see you next saturday :)

 

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keep off the grass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you owned the neighborhood as a kid

wandering from yard to yard

never considering

such inconsequential matters as privacy

or the vague intricacies of lawn care

it was all yours, except

for the yard belonging to that mean man

the one every street had

the one who didn’t let you walk

on his immaculately groomed grass

and who called your mother if he ever caught you

he was the one your parents even thought

was kind of a jerk

except they never said it, of course

never agreed with you, of course

but, as they reprimanded you

telling you for the umpteenth time

to stay away from his yard

or you’d be confined indefinitely to your own

significantly reducing the size and scope

of the entire universe

they seemed to exchange secret, knowing looks

as if perhaps, remembering

their own childhoods

their own mean men

they secretly understood, maybe

they sympathized in silent camaraderie

when you moaned about how unfair it was

because he had the nicest grass to play on 

 

 

how many dishes do we need?

Twenty-three years ago when I first moved into Michael’s small urban apartment he had 4 plates, 3 bowls and a few mismatched mugs. So I added a set of dinnerware to the growing list of things we should buy. He looked confused and said, “There’s just two of us, how many dishes do we need?” I laughed and thought, typical guy. Not long after, we bought a nice service for eight...eight of everything -- bowls, dinner plates, salad plates, dessert plates, cups & saucers. The set filled our kitchen’s minimal cupboard to bursting, but I knew someday we’d have a house to put it all in. Besides, what if company came? 

But, we never entertained in that tiny apartment, so it was just the two of us. We were a lazy busy couple with no dishwasher.  Every plate and bowl would get used before someone would break down have time to wash them. Dirty dishes often overflowed from the small sink. The kitchen was cluttered with all the things we had no room for in the overstuffed cabinet. It was a constant battle against chaos. 
 

When we finally moved into our house years later the dishes no longer went with my changing tastes. But rather than relegate them to the donation pile they were stored in the basement in case. In case maybe I’d grow to like them again...or perhaps our future children might want them someday. The set was one of the first things their father and I bought together as a couple so they were special, and you are supposed to keep special things. That’s what my grandmother always did.

 
My late grandmother was an antiques and collectibles dealer. She taught me the fine art of treasure hunting. She was also a hoarder that taught me the not so fine art of attaching emotional value to every object you own. It can be a pleasant notion, at first; that each item in your home tells a little story. I am by nature a story lover, so the idea of passing down heirlooms and tales that go with them has innate appeal. But other things get passed down sometimes, too. Things like habits and sensibilities that may not be practical, or worse -- can become unhealthy.  

My grandmother could have lived to see my children born. She could have told them her many stories, with or without her vast "collections". But tragically the year before I became pregnant with Megan she fell down the stairs in her home and died as a result of her injuries. It was horrific.  She lived alone in a large multilevel dwelling and refused to downsize because it would mean getting rid of too many things. When I previously wrote about her death it was with the mindset that she died where she wanted to, after a long life, in her “beloved” (and stuffed to the rafters) house. That is one way to look at it, but I am not quite so easily reconciled to that today.  

 

I have thought about my own death, for obvious reasons.  Amidst those unpleasant thoughts about my mortality comes the realization that my family will have to deal with my things...my stuff. I am not a hoarder by any means. But I do have a lot of stuff, especially for the small house we have chosen to continue living in. And in that light many of my belongings tell different stories to me now.  Along with anecdotes and recollections, some of my things also tell the story of lost time...time spent searching for items I cannot find in clutter, time spent trying to keep up with cleaning and caring for objects instead of pursuing activities that nourish my creative spirit, not to mention the time and energy used to acquire these things in the first place. Frankly, I’m not sure I can afford to waste that much time. Then again, can anyone? 

 

It has dawned on me that not every belonging has the potential to be treasure, in fact, much of it could be more akin to burden. I also realize that by striving to have less I can work towards getting more – as in getting more out of my life.  
 

How often do we say we have too much on our plates? In my case I had too many plates and not enough on them. So now whenever I consider buying anything I ask myself...how many dishes do I need? This mental shorthand reminds me about what is important. I only need enough – what is sufficient to feed my soul and the souls of my loved ones with. And in that regard, I already have plenty...I already have everything I need.