clothes shopping? read this:

1.      There is no such thing as a "figure flaw."  Your body is not flawed, no matter what.  There are only clothing shapes that are flattering vs. unflattering...and even that is subjective.  You get to decide.  Try to experiment without judgment.

 

2.      You don’t need to hide any part of your body.  Camouflage is for the military.  Just look for ways to accentuate what you like, that alone can distract from what you might be less comfortable with.  The big picture is more about finding that sweet spot of pleasing proportion. You’ll know it when you see it.  Once you do, don’t settle for less ever again.

 

3.      Wear your favorite colors.  Chances are if it’s your favorite color, it looks good on you.  Either way, always choose colors that bring out a glow in your skin tone and make you happy...it is truly amazing how much of a difference good color choices can make.

 

4.     Speaking of color -- black doesn’t automatically make you look thinner (and it’s not about that anyway).  Clothes that fit properly can create a smoother line on your body, which is often perceived as more flattering -- color has nothing to do with that.  You can play with color density to focus attention the way an artist does:  lighter shades highlight, by comparison darker ones tend to recede. 

 

5.      Shop accessories with intention.  Accessories can create style, direct focus and completely change perception.  They expand any wardrobe manifold.  One necklace can turn a plain tee & jeans into something elegant or trendy.    A belt can transform a sack into a pretty dress.  Accessories shouldn't be an afterthought, they are the punctuation, the finishing touch that completes even the most simple outfit.  That doesn't mean they always have to stand out, just that they are always an essential compliment.

 

6.      When shopping, if something is too small, SO WHAT?  Size doesn’t matter, it’s only a guide to finding the best fit -- and fit is everything.  Move up to the next size with no self-recrimination.  If that’s not available, just move on to the next garment.  There are enough pretty things out there in the "shopping universe"...just keep looking until you find the best ones for you.  No. Big. Deal. 

 

7.      There is no way manufacturers can possibly create garments that fit every body properly...our shapes are all too diverse.  So a lot of clothes won’t work right off the rack, regardless of size.  Take control of your clothing and be willing to tailor whenever needed...even if that ends up being all the time.  It is WORTH it.  Buy less, get better fit.  You will be much happier.  Really.

 

8.      Accept what you can’t change.  Yes, theoretically we can change our weight/size...even influence our shape a bit.  But certainly not instantly...and let's stop worrying about all that anyway.  When you get dressed, simply focus on looking the best you can in the body you are in right now.  Because right now matters more than any other time, and you deserve a beautiful now. 

 

9.      Don’t compare yourself to anyone else EVER.  It's pointless.  There is only one you, with your own unique beauty that no one else can possess.  So how can you possibly compare the incomparable?  Sure, it's ok to consider others as people to potentially emulate and learn from if you find them admirable and worthy, but you'll never be just like them, nor will they be like you.  Oh, and if someone else ever tries to compare you to another person, they're the one with issues -- it’s a reflection of their own insecurity or ulterior motives.  Don’t buy into it. 

 

10.  Last but not least, be comfortable and enjoy your clothes.  When all is said and done clothes are really just a practical necessity, yet we’ve sure created a lot of issues surrounding them.  Try not to lose perspective.  It's not about trends, money, size or age.  What you wear isn’t who you are...it’s just a temporary reflection, part of a fleeting representation.  Choosing your clothing should be practical first, and then beyond that it can be creative, fun and even confidence building.  But it’s still just fabric on your body.  It can’t change who you are; clothes have no inherent power.  Only you do...so use it to shop well.

 

 

 

six words: lazy days

dedicating myself to a relaxing summer

 

doesn't that look cool and inviting?
 

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six words: slowly sorting...

 

I only wish my attic was this neat...
and full of antiques!

 

 

...because boxes lead down memory lane

 

 




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confessions of a slow-baked couch potato

I am so busy doing nothing, that the idea of doing anything — which as you know, always leads to something — cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

~ Jerry Seinfeld

 

I just might be a hardcore couch potato.  There, I said it.  The truth is, I love to sit around.  Of course, I’m not exactly doing nothing.  I do a lot while I lounge about.  Talking, reading, writing, thinking – these are my favorite pastimes and conveniently all can take place from my living room sofa.

(Does anyone remember that children’s show The Big Comfy Couch?  Well, my dust bunnies might be bigger.  Seriously.  Oh, and I wish I had as much cool stuff tucked under my cushions as Loonette the clown does, but there’s just lint...and aforementioned dust bunnies.) 

Don’t get me wrong, I have to get up off the couch plenty.  I exercise, run errands, do laundry (now and then), cook for and feed various people, even clean once in a while.  Okay, all kidding aside -- I don't channel surf, nor do I gorge on junk food and I’m also an animated person in my demeanor.  People even describe me as energetic and enthusiastic...and I am, just not by inclination. Yes, if only they knew the truth, that by nature I’m more of a sloth.  Now, sloth is considered a sin by some and a trait to be ashamed of.  I guess I have been embarrassed by my slothiness at times.  Everyone else seems to be so busy that I tend to feel a little guilty.  Or at least, I used to. 

We live today in a culture of busy is better.  Ask someone how they are, and more than likely the answer will be “busy” – complete with the litany from an exceedingly long to-do list.  This is not necessarily a good thing.  An article in the NY Times last summer refers to busyness as trap, even further, as a means of hedging nothing short of existential angst.  I’ve noticed that the complaint of being over extended is almost treated as a badge of honor.  Everyone is trying to cram so much living into their lives that they aren’t actually living IN their life – instead they are continuously burying every present moment with frenetic activity, and often as a means for distraction.  

(There are people in this world for whom free time truly is a luxury.  They work harder in order to survive than most of us can possibly imagine.  People in those circumstances are obviously not busy for the sake of being busy.  To them, no doubt, this could all sound churlish or elite;  they should have such problems.  Mindful of that let me just say – busy is clearly relative.) 

As I blogged about recently, during breast cancer treatment I did a lot of reflecting on what mattered most to me.  When my mortality seemed immanent I didn’t care about projects I’d never complete, activities my kids didn’t participate in or how messy my house got (as if).  Every single ounce of guilt or expectation went right out the window.  Think about that -- no expectation, no guilt.  It was a rare opportunity, a moment of unprecedented clarity for me.  And as I went thru the mental files of my life I realized some of the best memories were the times I just sat still and talked with my children...listening to all their thoughts, great & small.  It was those precious moments with no agenda, no pressure to accomplish anything, that gave me great joy.   

I’m not suggesting everyone sit on their couch and vegetate for the sake of happiness.  Things need to get done, sometimes a lot of things...and sometimes we want to engage physically.  Being active is healthy; in fact, it’s one of my personal goals, to be more active.  But it’s another goal of mine to let go of as many inessential activities as possible...to gently cull from my life what is unnecessary, because being busy is, in my opinion, decidedly not better. 

Kids need ample unstructured time to let their imaginations grow...and so do us grown-ups.  We need time to slow down, to stare out the window and day dream, to be creative not as a means to an end but for the sake of creativity itself...we need time just to let our minds wander...we need time to be.  Socrates said an unexamined life isn’t worth living.  If you are too busy filling every moment with a flurry of activity then there’s no time to examine anything to begin with, let alone much of any substance worth examining when all is said and done.  Busy is not only not better; it can be the very thing that, instead of filling your life, leaves you completely empty.

I found out there are others interested in letting go of busy, such as those in various slow movements --slow food, slow home, heck, there’s even slow fashion!  But truthfully I feel like some of these slow advocates are still too ambitious for a slacker like me.  Perhaps my speed isn’t slow, it’s off -- as in turn off everything, sit down and settle back for a bit, get reacquainted with your family, your friends...and your own self, too.    

Like at this very moment...I am sitting (where else) on my couch typing these words.  My kids will be up soon, and the first thing they will do is come sit next to me, curling into my waiting arms all groggy and still warm from sleep.  I’ll put this laptop aside and breathe them in, take a moment to absorb the sweet scent of childhood in its precious brevity.  We’ll talk about what they dreamed last night and what they want to do today.  I’ll remind them we have chores and schoolwork, but after that the day, this day, is ours.  We’ll begin it from this place of centering, the middle of our lives and our home, this humble, slightly sagging, well-worn sofa.  The dust bunnies will be there, too, lurking...and that’s okay.  They can hang around for a little while longer...I don’t mind.  I have more important things not to do.

 

 

six words: staycation summary

 

 

 

Got sTuff doNe, had sOme fuN!

 

 

 



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six words: staycation



taking this week

 

off from blogging!

 

 

 

 

Hope everyone has a lovely week -- see you next saturday :)

 

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how many dishes do we need?

Twenty-three years ago when I first moved into Michael’s small urban apartment he had 4 plates, 3 bowls and a few mismatched mugs. So I added a set of dinnerware to the growing list of things we should buy. He looked confused and said, “There’s just two of us, how many dishes do we need?” I laughed and thought, typical guy. Not long after, we bought a nice service for eight...eight of everything -- bowls, dinner plates, salad plates, dessert plates, cups & saucers. The set filled our kitchen’s minimal cupboard to bursting, but I knew someday we’d have a house to put it all in. Besides, what if company came? 

But, we never entertained in that tiny apartment, so it was just the two of us. We were a lazy busy couple with no dishwasher.  Every plate and bowl would get used before someone would break down have time to wash them. Dirty dishes often overflowed from the small sink. The kitchen was cluttered with all the things we had no room for in the overstuffed cabinet. It was a constant battle against chaos. 
 

When we finally moved into our house years later the dishes no longer went with my changing tastes. But rather than relegate them to the donation pile they were stored in the basement in case. In case maybe I’d grow to like them again...or perhaps our future children might want them someday. The set was one of the first things their father and I bought together as a couple so they were special, and you are supposed to keep special things. That’s what my grandmother always did.

 
My late grandmother was an antiques and collectibles dealer. She taught me the fine art of treasure hunting. She was also a hoarder that taught me the not so fine art of attaching emotional value to every object you own. It can be a pleasant notion, at first; that each item in your home tells a little story. I am by nature a story lover, so the idea of passing down heirlooms and tales that go with them has innate appeal. But other things get passed down sometimes, too. Things like habits and sensibilities that may not be practical, or worse -- can become unhealthy.  

My grandmother could have lived to see my children born. She could have told them her many stories, with or without her vast "collections". But tragically the year before I became pregnant with Megan she fell down the stairs in her home and died as a result of her injuries. It was horrific.  She lived alone in a large multilevel dwelling and refused to downsize because it would mean getting rid of too many things. When I previously wrote about her death it was with the mindset that she died where she wanted to, after a long life, in her “beloved” (and stuffed to the rafters) house. That is one way to look at it, but I am not quite so easily reconciled to that today.  

 

I have thought about my own death, for obvious reasons.  Amidst those unpleasant thoughts about my mortality comes the realization that my family will have to deal with my things...my stuff. I am not a hoarder by any means. But I do have a lot of stuff, especially for the small house we have chosen to continue living in. And in that light many of my belongings tell different stories to me now.  Along with anecdotes and recollections, some of my things also tell the story of lost time...time spent searching for items I cannot find in clutter, time spent trying to keep up with cleaning and caring for objects instead of pursuing activities that nourish my creative spirit, not to mention the time and energy used to acquire these things in the first place. Frankly, I’m not sure I can afford to waste that much time. Then again, can anyone? 

 

It has dawned on me that not every belonging has the potential to be treasure, in fact, much of it could be more akin to burden. I also realize that by striving to have less I can work towards getting more – as in getting more out of my life.  
 

How often do we say we have too much on our plates? In my case I had too many plates and not enough on them. So now whenever I consider buying anything I ask myself...how many dishes do I need? This mental shorthand reminds me about what is important. I only need enough – what is sufficient to feed my soul and the souls of my loved ones with. And in that regard, I already have plenty...I already have everything I need.