Tomorrow I begin phase two of chemotherapy, taking the drug Taxotere. I've just finished Adriamycin and Cytoxan which are supposed to be the worst part...however some women report that the taxanes (Taxotere, Taxol and Abraxane) are actually harder to deal with. Who knows?
I am probably more afraid of this regimen than the former because of the possibility of permanent neuropathy -- particularly in my hands. I fancy myself a writer, after all, and I need my fingers to to be agile enough for typing on a keyboard. The thought that after all of this I can't return to a normal life doing what I love....well, that hardly seems fair to say the least. But then again, none of this is fair.
Forgive the pity party, but it seems each leg of this breast cancer journey has had some huge hurdle, some unexpected turn of events. Major skin necrosis after reconstruction, an SVT after port placement and the worst nausea I've ever experienced after my first round of chemo -- despite all the assurances that the anti-nausea drugs work wonders. So is it any wonder I'm expecting the worst case scenario? As my oncologist says, I've been pretty beat up lately.
So...I am filled with dread, I don't mind telling you. But I'm forging ahead despite it. Okay, not exactly forging...more like limping ahead weakly.
Wish me luck (and you can call me Bitch, too, if you wanna)