Thursday, July 1, 2010

It's not looking so good

There is news, not definitive news but not good news. Here’s what I know:

The 2nd pulmonary doc received the written CT report yesterday but not the film disc itself – he won’t get that until today or tomorrow. The report says the original nodules may have decreased in size, but that there are now many new ones. He wants to review the films himself but he did suggest it looks like I might need a lung biopsy.

Saw my oncologist today – a woman who is usually the type that thinks nothing is wrong, quick to blow things off. She’s not blowing this off. She wants me to have a guided needle biopsy. The problem is there are so many nodules now and they are very small. However one of the new ones is 9mm and the radiologist she spoke to thinks he can get a sample. There are risks…like collapsed lungs and maybe permanent damage of some sort. I don't know about all that yet.

Oncologist also wants a PET scan, not so much to look at the nodules further but to see if there is anything in my bones, liver or brain. Bottom line is if the cancer already spread to those places there’s no point in doing a lung biopsy too. Save me from an invasive test since I’m going to die anyway.

What’s the treatment for lung metastasis? Oncologist says nothing more than I’m doing now…ovarian ablation and estrogen blocking drugs. Since the cancer would have spread while I was on chemotherapy there’s not much point in doing more. I wonder if that’s true or if there are other drugs…clinical trials, experimental things.

There is still a slight chance this is nothing more than an inflammatory response of some sort to something, but no one wants to wait and see anymore.

This doesn’t look good right now. I have a really bad feeling.

Yet I also keep thinking it can’t be happening. I can’t really be dying. Not so soon. Women with breast cancer that metastasizes to the lung don’t typically make it past five years. And who’s to say what kind of quality of life one has during that time. What if this is really it, the beginning of the end? How do I do this??? How do I leave my babies??? HOW?

Gotta stop for now, sorry. Will post when I can.

19 comments:

EvaNadine said...

(((((((hugs)))))))
many, many hugs.

notSupermum said...

Kayleigh, no words just hugs and prayers from your friend xxx

marketingtomilk said...

There are no words. I am truly sorry and pray for positive news.

http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com

goodbyetoboobs said...

Oh Kayleigh! I'm speechless. BUT BUT BUT we don't know anything definitive yet, and until we do, I'm going to try to remain optimistic (even though I understand why you may not be able to right now). I'll be thinking of you constantly. Much much love, Steph H

Tat said...

I've been following a while but haven't commented before, but I really wanted to offer extra support at what must be an impossibly difficult time for you and your family.

Take care of you x

rosa_lingerie said...

Dont know you well but my heart goes out to you and your family. Rosanne x

Shallow Coffee said...

I am praying for you and your family. May the arms of whatever deity (or deities) you believe in hold you fast.

susan said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Lesa said...

Dearest Kayleigh, I wish I could hug you my virtual friend. If there were anything I could think of to say or do to take away even a little of your fear I would do so. I pray and I pray for you. I am here....I care.

Lesa
Always Summer
skyroxy@bellsouth.net

Brenda said...

If I read this right, there is still hope, so we won't give up but keep hoping/praying for the best. Not leaving your babies yet!

Qwerty said...

Oh, dear Kayleigh.... I wish I had just the right words for you right now. All I can say is that I'll be praying for you, and keeping you in my thoughts. Sending you much love and support.

Anusha said...

I won't give up hoping and praying and keeping my fingers crossed for you. If you need anything at all, let me know.

Much love and blessings and good vibes ...

Vikingirl said...

Kayleigh, I too am holding out that hope for you. I am very sorry you are going through this. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

VB Vikingirl

Sheila said...

Wow, hon, just another thing after another - I hope you know that I'm thinking of you, sending you the biggest vibes EVER, and hoping for positive things to happen.

HUG,
Sheila

notSupermum said...

You've been in my thoughts all this while (((hugs))) xxx

Anonymous said...

There's always hope. I have been following along since your diagnosis, but rarely comment. I want to share that I know someone who was first dx'ed with lung cancer. He was given only a few months to live. He beat all odds and the lung cancer went into remission.

Next, they found tumors in his brain. Turned out it wasn't metastic - it was an all new and different form of cancer. They gave him months to live. He beat all odds, and it went into remission too.

More recently, they discovered he has a very rare form of skin cancer. Rare enough, he's now in the medical books. He is still walking, living, breathing. It also hasn't beat him.

It's been 10 years since his first diagnosis. When you ask his secret, he says it's all about the attitude. He's the most positive, upbeat person I know.

Hang in there, don't give up hope.

WendyB said...

I'm hoping for the best for you.

Kayleigh said...

I wanted to leave a brief thank you here to one and all...reading all these comments has lightened my burden, made me smile, made me cry, and just kept me from feeling alone.

Thank you, so much, from the bottom of my heart.

Much love,

Kayleigh

La Belette Rouge said...

I hate being speechless. I don't hate it in my ordinary life. If I was with you I wouldn't mind being speechless. I would give you a hug and sit with you and give you the space to say whatever you want. It is just here in your comments that I want to say that I am so sorry for all you are going through. I am so very sorry.
xo