Saturday, September 25, 2010

hair raising

I have a love/hate relationship with my wig. Okay, maybe that statement is a bit strong. Let’s just say it reminds me of having a haircut that you’re not completely sure of…you know, it’s not the worst style you’ve ever had but you’re not all that crazy about it either.

There are a few things I like about the wig. For one thing it doesn’t seem to look like a wig, or at least that’s what everyone says whenever I reveal the truth. People seem to be genuinely shocked that it’s not my real hair. And a wig is very easy to maintain – just put it on, straighten it out and go. It’s also more comfortable than I thought it would be and always feels secure…no sense of it slipping or blowing off.

What I don’t like about the wig is the shape, or cut if you will…there’s something a bit off about it. Maybe too full on top? Too thin on the bottom? Not sure. It’s not the worst style I’ve ever worn, but if my hairdresser had done it, next time I’d tell him to leave it fuller on the bottom and not so poufy on top.

Gosh, I miss my hairdresser.

Which brings me to my own hair…at first it took a long time to even start coming back in…like a scary long time. And then when I finally began to see faint evidence of growth it was only on the sides and the back. As each week passed I became more and more alarmed. I mean, I looked like a balding man, as if I had a receding hairline. Of course it didn’t help that little Daniel kept saying I looked “just like Daddy”…(I will SO remember that, Kid!)

My concern was not just paranoia. Unfortunately there is a small risk of permanent hair loss with one of the chemo drugs I took, Taxotere. (Let it be known tho that while the other common choice, Taxol, doesn’t have the same risk regarding hair loss, it may instead have a slightly higher rate of causing neuropathy.)

Anyway…just as I was about to totally freak out, thankfully the front and middle finally began to lightly fill in.

However, my hair is a completely different color! It is very dark, sort of an ashy brown. From what I’ve heard it often grows back darker on those with lighter hued locks. After about a year or so the dark color starts to fade out and the original color usually returns, although sometimes that doesn’t happen. A number of women will also end up with very different hair texture after chemo…again, sometimes it eventually returns to its original state, sometimes not. Typically those formerly with straight hair will have curlier hair after, not as often the other way around. Since my hair was naturally somewhere in between, sort of wavy, who knows how this will all turn out? It’s hard to tell anything much when it’s barely an inch long.

For now I’m attempting to just go with it, to varying degrees of success depending on my mental state at any given moment. I’m trying to be patient and just take it as it comes – not like I really have much choice in the matter anyway. On the bright side I may use this as an opportunity to try hair colors and styles I never would have dreamed of experimenting with before. So in the end I guess you could say this is sort of a once in a lifetime opportunity…at least all things considered it had certainly better be once in a lifetime!


Sheila said...

That's so interesting, how your hair is coming back in. Wigs are just odd to me - the styles are always sort of "off".

I wonder how your hair will look in a year?

Hang in there, hon! You're sounding good. :)

EvaNadine said...

i think i just posted on your last post asking if that was a wig -- i think it looks really nice and definitely couldnt tell.

i think your outlook on everything is really great. so many grown women become reticent to try new styles and colors, but you are deciding to seize the opportunity.
keep the open mind, lady. it suits you well. :)

Mervat said...

K, you have an amazing way at looking at things. I also hope that this is a once in a life-time 'opportunity' where you have to consider what to do with post-chemo hair.

As for your wig, why not get your hairdresser to change the style of it a little for you. If you think it needs a little less fullness on top, then get it thinned out a tiny bit, or even a wee bit shorter. That way, you get to see your hairdresser and walk away with a hair style you are happier with. Don't forget the added bonus of going to the hairdresser's: a scalp massage!

Lots of love and a huge hug to you,

Nancy said...

My hair is almost gone now and I do have two wigs that are pretty decent looking, but still they're wigs. It's pretty scary to not know when and if I'll ever have hair again. Reading your post gave me a few chuckles. Thanks!

Enci said...

Is it possible to get an unstyled wig and take it to your hairdresser? I know that may be horribly expensive- you look great in the photo-finish pic- really just beautiful.

ann said...

I've been following, reading, witnessing, smiling, laughing, crying, grinnig. Now I've realized I haven't posted how happy I am about your progress. (bad veggie boarder, bad)

much love and light coming your way,

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Mervat said...

Missin' you.
Mervat xo

sandra said...

If you have access, go to you tube and look up lovenkisses99 or muffinismylover. They both have great youtube videos on how to fix the wigs on your haid and pick them to give you style. Some of their styles look just like real hair. I'm sure you'll get inspiration from them. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I am wishing you a good day--a thankful day.