Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The tough cookie crumbles

Actually, as falling apart goes this was relatively minor...but since the cookie reference was fresh (good pun!) I decided to go with it.

As mentioned in my previous post I've been doing Hyperbaric Therapy -- last week due to scheduling conflicts I only did three days, Mon/Wed/Fri. This week I was determined to go all five days, so yesterday was the first time I did two days in a row. Last week my ears had a chance to clear on the in between days and I wondered if I would be able to handle this week.

Apparently not.

My ears are extremely full, everything is muffled and the tinnitus is significant. Btw, around here we call tinnitus "brain music" to make it sound less negative -- which inspired the name of my other blog, incidentally :)

However, this is not what crumbled the cookie...maybe it took a nibble but it didn't finish me off.

This morning I was supposed to go for a MUGA scan, this is basically a radiological scan of how my heart functions. They need to make sure it is healthy before giving me certain chemo drugs, essentially because they can damage the heart. So yeah, let's make sure it's nice and healthy before we potentially wreck it.


They need to start an IV for the test to be administered. Since having my sentinel node biopsy I am no longer allowed to have any needles or blood pressure done in my right arm for fear of lymphedema. Problem is, I have difficult veins, so I've been told, and now there is limited access with one entire arm out of commission. They tried to do the IV three separate times. It's more than just inserting a needle, the nurse said something about having to thread it in further.

It hurt and I started to cry...and just couldn't stop.

Now, considering EVERYTHING that has happened to me, surgery, a somewhat difficult recovery, necrosis, wound issues, debridement,'d think a simple IV would be nothing. But after the third attempt I had to ask them to stop. I couldn't recover myself and had to leave, promising to reschedule between my sobs.

I canceled hyperbaric, I just can't do it three days in a row. I am now planning to spend the day catching up on simple things, resting and making a food shopping list for DH. Maybe if I'm ambitious I'll take a shower.

Then tomorrow I bake a new batch of cookies.


Jean said...


Come here while I give the most enormous hug. That's it.....squeeze....feels good.

You don't have to be ambitious. You just have to heal, at whatever speed suits. Stay strong. With love to you x

Brenda said...

I'm so glad you got a good cry. Sometimes the most unexpected things make you cry, but you know you are crying for everything.

i was thinking about you this morning. Wondering if you know about chemo yet.

My surgery is tomorrow. . . I'll be happy to have it done!

Vildy said...

My son has hemophilia and is a tough stick. Sometimes they can use the foot or the hand. Sometimes helps to squeeze hand in fist over and over and to have had plenty water to drink beforehand. Perhaps they have a phlebotomy team? We often have to resort to calling one of them in.

Chuck Dilmore said...

hugs, peace, & love~

Kari said...

Oh, ow. Sometimes breaking down can be a bit therapeutic. I hate the thought of having multiple IV attempts - I get squeamish when the needle has to be re-adjusted when I'm donating blood.

My grandma had the exact same issue with her veins her last time through chemo (complicated by the fact that she was in her 80s and had congestive heart failure - very bad veins indeed.) She opted for a Port-o-cath which made chemo and blood draws so much easier for her. Not sure if that's an option for you, though.

I hope that the wound heals quickly and fully. I'm so sorry that reconstruction has been so difficult. Many, many prayers and healing thoughts for you coming from this reader on the West coast.

sallymandy said...

You go ahead and crumble, cookie. As much as you need to. It will help you heal. Love...

The Small Fabric Of My Life said...

Oh you poor thing - but crying is a great healer.