Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It's not bad news...

Just got back from seeing the pulmonary doctor, and while it's not perfectly wonderful news, it is totally not bad news either.

Definitely NOT bad.

According to him based on the CT scan there is nothing about my pulmonary nodules at the moment that appear specifically cancerous. The plan is to wait and watch them. Sometimes pulmonary nodules are immediately suspicious and have clear cancerous characteristics such as irregular edges. In those instances they require biopsy or surgery for confirmation right away. But some nodules, like mine, don’t possess any obvious criteria that indicates cancer. Plus mine are small enough that doing a needle biopsy is challenging and no one wants to start slicing into my lungs if the little buggers are a big fat nothing. So instead they monitor them to see if they change, if they grow. These nodules could be completely benign, could have been there for years without me knowing it. But unfortunately a pulmonary nodule that doesn’t start off looking suspicious can also still end up being cancerous eventually.

So if these nodules stay the same size they are considered stable and not likely to be any kind of threat. If they grow…well, that would be bad. I will have a CT scan in 4 months. Assuming they haven’t grown then my understanding is the CT scans continue every 3 or 4 months for two years. After that if there is still no change they cut back the scans to once or twice a year. For how long I don’t know. Oh, and the doctor said if it weren’t for my breast cancer history we’d only do the scans every year right from the start – even tho I am a former smoker. So they are watching me more carefully which somehow makes me feel both better and worse, you know? Like I’m comforted to know they are on top of this but nervous they think that’s necessary.

Over all the doctor was very positive…said he really doesn’t think this will turn out to be cancer. However, when asked, he said he can’t say for sure it isn’t. But he did repeatedly stress that in his opinion it won’t go that way. I want to hear that from another doctor so I will be getting a second opinion, just to be thorough and to ease my mind a bit further.

Like I said – it’s totally not bad news. It’s almost good news. Short of finding out the little buggers had disappeared, it’s probably the best news I could hope for. I guess I should be happy, but I think I’m still sort of processing this…it hasn’t sunk in yet. I’ve been so upset, so terrified that I think my body hasn’t fully come down from high alert, if that makes sense. And despite the positive outlook of the doctor it's hard not to see this as one more thing hanging over my head.

I need a vacation.

Last but by far not least -- I’m going to post personally on the comments thread from my previous blog entry but wanted to say a big gigantic thank you here till I get a chance to do that. People talk about how strong I am – and if there’s any truth to that I can honestly say a huge source of that strength has been this blog and the astonishing people who come here and lend me their compassion, support and love. It’s hard to describe how a disparate group of essentially strangers can make such an amazing impact on one life…but you each have, you’ll never know how much. Everyone who has ever offered me their kindness has made a difference, has touched my heart when I needed it most. You are all important to me and have carried me along when I thought I couldn’t go on. Thank you…thank you…thank you.


~Tessa~Scoffs said...

I'm so glad to hear it's not "bad" news. I pray for you and your family every day and I hope you know that you have touched my life in a special way.

Jean said...

I've also had reason to marvel at the generosity of spirit of bloggers; when my Dad passed away recently it was that support that got me through it. Incredible. But you should also know K, that you are a truly amazing woman and you've also made quite an impact on my life too. Much love to you, x

Sheila said...

Hurrah! Not bad news! :) That's wonderful - it's a small victory.

And you should definitely take a vacation! You deserve a change of scene.

Thinking of you, hon. Woo, feel those good vibes!


Imogen Lamport, AICI CIP said...

Hi Kayleigh, so glad that it doesn't look ominous. Let's hope all the rest of your scans show nothing up too.

hugs xx

Qwerty said...

I was thinking of you so much last night, and praying for you.... I'm so happy it's not bad news!!

Thanks for keeping us updated. :)

Lesa said...

Dear Kaleigh,

I am so happy.I waited an extra day before i logged on to see what was going on. Even though they have to keep checking it is such a positive and after all the negatives--hold on to this. You most certainly do need a vacation if anyone does. I hope today is beautiful where you are. I know you probably won't but try to relax just a little.

Still praying, still here if you want to talk.

Always Summer

Mervat said...

In the process of visiting your blog today I hesitantly went to your site both hoping you to have made an entry (so we can know what the news is) but at the same time hoping to see nothing new (you know, no news is good news). And thankfully it is positive. Your will and determination will get you through this.

With my best wishes and love,

P.S. Please check my blog. There is something there for you...

Kayleigh said...

Tessa -- you are so wonderful, thank you...it's a huge comfort to me to know that amazing people like you are pulling for me, thinking of me. You have no idea how much that helps. I hope you do know how much you have touched my life too :)

notSupermum -- it is extrordinary, isn't it, how the world wide web can become this small network of caring friends...a little virtual family of sorts to turn to in troubled times. You are very much a member of my little family, my friend. Thank you for your sweet words.

Sheila -- yes, that's it, a victory! Take that, cancer! And small or otherwise I can sure use all the victories I can get. I totally feel those good vibes from terrific people like you -- keep 'em coming and huge heaps of love & thanks.

Imogen – thank you, and let’s hope so, yes. I also have high hopes for your son and continue to think good thought for you both. Know that you are not alone – if anything proves that, my little blog, and the lovely people like you who visit it, sure does!

Qwerty – you are so sweet, thank you for thinking of me and for your prayers, that means a great deal to me. And thank YOU for checking back to see how I am :) I’m grateful for you and all the many other wonderful folks who keep coming back to follow my little story – makes me feel so much less alone.

Lesa –thank you so much for all your care and concern, you are very sweet. I’ve actually had some moments of relaxation, little by little I’m letting my guard down, trying to do as you wisely said, to hold on to the positives. It’s nice to have such good friends who really understand.

Mervat – I so know what you mean…it was like that for me going to the dr appt, too – wanting to go and find out what he had to say, hoping it would be positive, yet filled with dread and not wanting to go lest he tell me the worst. Thankfully it was more positive than negative, yes. I was so touched by your lovely floral post just for me – you really made my day, as you have so many, many times. Thank you my friend, you always seem to say and do some wonderful thing that makes me smile.

islandgirl4ever2 said...

Hi Kayleigh,

I'm Leesa, Mervat's friend in France... and I'm coming over there to tell you that I'm happy to hear that you had some better new and I'm sending you all of my best-- Thinking of you... Leesa

Anonymous said...

You have a good attitude. I think of you often. You are in my prayers, and my thoughts.


Kayleigh said...

Leesa -- yes,I remember seeing you in one of Mervat's photos from her trip...thank you sooooo much for taking the time to come here and wish me well, that's very nice of you :)

Hastyfar -- Thank you, and I think of you often too, my dear VB friend...if I ever have a good attitude then you would know, since I admire yours so much. You are a very strong person.

Unknown said...

AAAAAAAAaaaaawesome!!! ^_^

I hope you can take a nice vacation! If you can do that only mentally right now, I suggest some good summer reading or so-bad-it's-good movie or t.v. show. In the past, when I was going through extremely emotionally draining experiences that caused so much anxiety, this really helped me for some weird reason.

La Belette Rouge said...

I am so happy it wasn't "bad" news. You have been through too much. I continue to be amazed by you, your spirit and your strength. I so wish you could have a long and doctor free vacation to the place of your choice.
Much love!