Tuesday, June 23, 2009

PHOTO: Hair today, gone tomorrow :(

I've been told that doing my hair after my mastectomy will be a challenge. I won't be able to shower for a long time and even when I finally can, raising my arms above my head to shampoo could be difficult. Someone will probably have to help me wash my hair over the kitchen sink.

Needless to say, I figured a haircut was in order. I was overdue for a trim anyway because I like my hair around shoulder length. So, I printed out a copy of my profile photo over there at the right and asked the hairdresser to recreate it.

This is the result and I absolutely HATE it. Silly as it sounds, if I stand a certain way it doesn't look as awful, but beyond that...

It's considerably shorter and even the shape isn't the same...more of a bob, longer in the front than the back.

At first I figured, so what? It's only hair...and I tried to get over it. But this may be my last haircut for a while...I may end up doing chemo before I know it and this will be the last style I have before it all falls out.

I wish I hadn't gone someplace new, wish I'd left it alone or gone to my regular hairdresser. I am really upset about it. I am sure people will say it looks nice and maybe it even does -- I keep trying to comfort myself with the fact that it grows back...but what I really wish was that my damn nipple would grow back. And it won't. And so I'm putting all my anguish into my stupid hair instead of that.

I guess this goes beyond a bad hair day.


Jean said...

I wonder what it would look like it you left it to dry naturally? You have such beautiful curls, it might make the difference for you.

The haircut is about change. It's about you having to accept something unacceptable, and this is a tangible side effect. I don't know how I would feel in the same situation, but I doubt I would handle it with as much grace as you do.

Sending you postive thoughts x

Shallow Coffee said...

It does look good. But I understand your feelings. When I looked in the mirror after shaving my head for the first time I almost cried.
Also, ditto to everything notSupermum said. :)

Brenda said...

I think it looks good too, but changing a hair style you have had for a long time is always hard.

I just hope my hair has started to grow back a little before I have surgery! Just a little. ..

PamelaTrounstine said...

Hammy here... I really LIKE your haircut. :) Just in case that helps. It is the haircut I might have if I actually had any hair to begin with.

Cassie said...

I actually think it's very flattering, you've got a beautiful face and I don't think you can muck it up!

La Belette Rouge said...

I think it looks great but I don't think it is the cut you are seeing. Like you said, I think that you are seeing all that the haircut represents.

Hugs to you, gorgeous.xo

Mervat said...

The haircut looks beautiful on you. I am in agreement with notSupermum and think that your natural curls suit you so well. And I guess on a practical level if you can get a simple routine now to style your hair in its natural state then post-surgery you won't be having the added stress of what to do with it. And please continue to make that effort regardless of whether you will have chemo or not.

Much love to you dear K.

Sheila said...

I think you hit the nail on the head: this isn't REALLY about the hair or the cut...it's about your breast, your nipple.

I agree with the others - your hair is lovely, as is your face. It's just hair, it's not YOU. Your inner beauty shines past it.

Anonymous said...

Your cut is sort of symbolic and that's maybe why you are ambivalent about it. It's sort of like, shouldn't my last haircut before I lose my breast and have to start chemo at least make me FEEL GREAT!!!!!Shouldn't it be perfect for God's sake?

But it does look really thick and good, Kayleigh. The length is better.

Kari said...

I'm sorry that you are unhappy with your cut. If it helps, I really think you look fantastic and I like how the bob shows off your face. However... I'm sorry that the cut had to come as a result of the upcoming surgery.

(Do you have a spray nozzle at your sink, and a comfy desk chair with a back that can recline? I set up a makeshift "salon sink" for an ill relative once at the kitchen sink using rolled up towels & a spray nozzle... I wonder whether that might help on days when you are not yet able to shower.)

Kayleigh said...

You all are so wonderful -- thank you VERY much not only for making me feel TONS better, but for your understanding!!!!!

Much love to each of you :)