Friday, April 24, 2009

UPDATE: No news

No news yet.

Let me say that reading all of your comments to my last post had me laughing -- something I SOOO much needed...thank you, deeply from the bottom of my heart! Each and every one of you is priceless.

The biopsy itself was not that least what I can remember clearly -- I used my Xanax, shall we say, liberally. My breast hurts a little, but it's not even enough to take pain meds, and trust me, I'm a baby so it really isn't bad.


(What is a little painful and also rather disturbing is that I have to pump & dump the milk from that breast both in order to preserve my supply and to make sure I don't get engorged. But because of what they did the milk is mixed with blood -- to the point it looks like I'm pumping blood. It's not a pleasant sight emotionally.)


Unfortunately in my Xanax induced haze I asked some questions. I should have left them unasked and continuted in the "distraction & denial" approach. The reason there is this degree of concern over the lumps is that not only are they definitively not cysts but they are irregular shaped -- generally not a good sign.

I wish I didn't know that.

I asked the doctor several times, like a ridiculous amount of times, "but they could still be benign, right?" to which she SLOWLY replied they could, yes. But each and every time she also hastened to add that it was VERY important for them to be treated seriously because of their shape, blah, blah, blah.

So, either she was trying to prepare me for the worst, or she was afraid that if this initial biopsy showed them as benign I wouldn't follow up and have them removed and further biopsied.

As if.

Where am I at now? I am hanging out in sweats, watching TV with the kids, eating all kinds of junk food and taking Xanax to sleep. And yes, crying on and off. DH is waiting on me hand and foot, taking the kids outside when I've had enough and generally being the amazing saint he already is.

I will post the minute I hear ANYTHING -- but I'm thinking now it probably won't be till Monday.

Wish I could wrap my arms around each and every one of you and give you all a big fat hug, thanks again for all the wonderfully witty, cute and utterly loving comments yesterday. Keep those collective fingers crossed.


Sal said...

Oh, darlin' - you've been through so much. I'm GLAD you're taking it easy and letting the hubby dote on you a little. Keep that up, and, of course, keep us posted.

Jean said...

Thanks for the update - my god, I've been thinking of you all day! Take it easy, enjoy the weekend with your loved ones. Monday will come soon enough xx

Kendra said...

Phew! I was getting worried about you having not seen an update, I must have been checking 100 times a day!

You are so brave my dear!! I could not be doing this as well as you have, keep you head up. I am thankful that you have such a wonderful supportive husband!

Anonymous said...

Ginapaz from the VB here -- we are all thinking of you with great love and concern. You've been in my heart and my thoughts all week. Holding you in the Light.... xoxoxo

Jane said...

Sending some hugs and happy thoughts over to you. xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

I have been following your story and this is the first time I have left a message...I am praying for you and hoping for the best! Just know that you have tons of people praying for you, friends and strangers alike, and the power of prayer is a beautiful thing!

Unknown said...

I think of you all the time and am wishing and praying for the best, and for strength, courage and TONS of good luck whatever the biopsy outcome might be.

Trace said...

Hi K, thanks for the update, I've been thinking of you. You are so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, I'm glad he is taking care of you!! Still thinking of you, praying for you, and in awe of how composed and brave you are!!

Jean said...

Still got my fingers crossed - thinking of you. x

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